Merry-go-round

I am on it again. It is this merry-go-around that always brings me back to where I started. Everyday I start the day determined that I will move forward, at least, two or three steps. Everyday, I get on my horse and carriage, crack the whip and gallop to the land of optimism. When my money's worth runs out, I look behind me hoping to see a path so long and filled with accomplishments, that I can't even see where I started because it has blended into the horizon. Instead I see the little pony behind me and after that a little carriage that wraps around a corner. I know that I am not in the minority, but I want more. I will keep up my optimism, I will succeed and move forward. Today, I carpooled to pre-school, went to work and I ummm I ummm hmmmm what did I do? I know that I did something, I know that my head spinned with thoughts about the logistics of my six kids, I know I did some paper work, I know I thought about what I needed to do. Ok, I only remember the carpool and how my three year old son and his three old "girl" friend were trying to decide what color my son was going to paint her car. He liked red, she liked pink. Blended or not, I know there are others that had the same day I did. The only difference may have been the color choices the kids came up with.

How Will They Grow?

I do not know of any parent who does not think about the decisions their children will make as an adult. My husband and I were just talking about one of our sons who is very compassionate but is also very high advantage. Another words, he is very polite when he asks you for money. In fact, he is so charming, you will actually thank him for taking your money. He does not try to con people; he makes sure that they understand what they are doing and wants them to feel good about it. He would feel very badly if someone felt hurt by his actions..at least, I think so...I mean, I hope so. Anyway, I told my husband that I did not think our son would sell something to someone who lived at the Salvation Army. He thought that he would. Hmmm... Could this be true? My husband went on to say that people do this all of the time. Even those people who are not as privledged as others have to buy food and there is always someone happy to sell it to them for a profit. Now, I wouldn't do this. I mean it would have to be extreme circumstances for me to participate in something of that sort. Now, my daughter is the same way I am. I actually wonder whether she will give all of her money away to anyone who needs it. Well, she wouldn't give away the money she needs to pay for text messaging but she would give the rest of it away. If I had to look at things today and guess at a picture in the future, my son will be very wealthy and my daughter will be sleeping on his couch in between her trips to third world countries. I just hope he does not charge her rent. Time will tell.

Today is my....

Today is my birthday. I am 43 years old. I have a husband who loves me more than life iself and always reminds me how he could not imagine his life without me. I have my great 6 kids, the best brother a sister could hope for, and a mother who would do whatever she could do for me that was within her capacity. So, what is the problem? Nothing really. My husband told me the things that I accomplished in my life and they included the successes I contributed to those in my past, how I made him a better person, personally and professionally,how I gave him the ability to be the father and the right to be a father, how I have blended the family, how I fought the fire of particular people who were not on our side...the list went on. I know that I will not die feeling as though I should have worked on something else, but it is hard to think about what I have done directly for me that did not involve someone else. Obviously, what I do for my family is for me becasue it is what I made my priority in life and that is where I belong. However, what do I own that does not involve anothe? Everyone that I have supported owns something. My husband owns his carreer. He gets paid money and numerous words of admiration. That is the type of ownership I speak of. My brother is always telling me that I need something of my own. I am working on that, at least that is what I keep telling him and myself. Anyway, I am 43 today. In front of me stands an incredible family with beauty, integrity and ambition. I guess I helped paint that picture. As far as something that belongs to me, I guess I own those 43 years.

Why the blog?

I am in the midst of creating a website for blended families. It is called BlendingMyFamily.com. The idea of the site is to provide the public a source to turn to that is not self-promoting or one dimensional. The objective is for it to have journalistic approach with different professional opinions and a variety of real life situations. Eventually, the website will have a blog component. However, I am in a blended family and need an outlet for my day to day experiences.

I am not able to start from the beginning of my story because it seems that I would never catch up to today's successes and struggles, All families have their history, challenges and rewards. It so happens I am in a blended family and would like to share what I can and hopefully hear from others. Maybe some good will come of it, whether it be insight or simple ideas to get through the day to day struggles.

I have 6 kids. If I have to break them down in term's of today's English language, I have 2 children, 3 stepchildren, and 1 mutual child (the "our" baby). My stepchildren feel as though they are "mine." They call me mom, they are with us half the time and, with the exception of 1 child, I changed all of their diapers. The one I did not help potty train was barely 5 years old when we came into each other's lives. I like to think that I gave birth to him when he was 5. The children's ages ranges from 3 to 13. I am very fortunate to have started a blended family when all the kids were so young because they all feel like my own. They get along incredibly well and I rarely hear them refer to each other using the "step"term, unless they are in a situation that requires it. I am thankful for that. Some of that may have to do with the fact that my husband and I always refer to them as each other's brother and sister. The kids have a baby brother and I am not even sure if they know of the term "half brother." I am not even sure I would allow the term to be used because there is an unnecessary mental division that is made when it is used. There was a time, when the baby was born, my husband's former wife, "R", told the kids that he was not really their brother because they did not share the same mother. This was hurtful to the whole family but most of all to my S-kids. I have to say that the biggest challenge we have in blending a family is R. It seems textbook, doesn't it? I have to clarify that she is really the only one that makes things more challenging than what it needs to be. She has a serious control issue that I would even say is on the border of a personality disorder. She is amazing though. She is able to make this outstanding appearance to be a part of the team. She goes to great lengths to put on a show that she goes beyond what many people could not do under her circumstances. Unfortunately, her persona and inner person is nowhere alike. It takes awhile, but it shows through and it especially is apparent when you see that the kids are suffering. R demands control and to be loved the most by her kids and she will do whatever it takes to get there, even if that means hurting her kids because she is unable to go that one more step to see the long term consequences of her actions. As far as my former husband "P", we all get along very well and talk with each other a few times a week about everything to make sure that we are all on the same page and have the same goals in respect to the children.

There are always going to be challenges, it comes down to acceptance. I obviously accept them because I am in a situation that brings them, although, it does not always feel good. I am thankful that the good moments outweigh the bad, then I know that I am going in the right direction.